“Wait…did we sit on the wrong side?”
“Do we move? Is it rude to move?!” I whispered to my husband.

We were at a wedding this past weekend in beautiful Napa, California, as guests of the bride, a dear friend of mine.

So…we sat on the left, following the seating style we’d used at our own wedding.

But the left side seemed to be filling up with the groom’s people.
Cue me quickly Googling: Palestinian wedding seating rules.

(Zero help: some results said they mingle; some said it depends on the couple.)

We had no idea what the “rules” were.
But we didn’t want to offend anyone…or do something “wrong.”

And, it got me thinking about how many things we do in life that way:
Automatically. Out of habit. Because someone, somewhere, told us that’s just how it’s done.

We say “bless you” when someone sneezes, even if we’ve never spoken to them in our lives.

We sing the birthday song because it’s tradition, even though it’s objectively not a great song.

If you’re dining in America, you rest your non-active hand in your lap.
But in Europe? That same move can be considered bad manners, or even suspicious.
(And don’t forget: fork in the left, knife in the right, wrists on the table. Obviously.)

Rules someone made up, sometime.

We follow these sometimes-written, sometimes-unspoken rules and rituals all the time—without ever asking if they make sense for us.
Some are helpful.
Some are sweet.
Some are weird.
Some are so ingrained we don’t even realize we’re doing them.

We end up chasing milestones we didn’t choose and performing politeness that doesn’t serve us—making sure we’re being a “good girl” and checking all those boxes that show people we’re living “successful lives.”

But some of these made-up rules were never about joy or peace.

They were about control.
About making sure people stayed in their place.

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Not that long ago:
Women weren’t allowed to open a credit card without a man’s permission. (That changed with the Equal Credit Opportunity Act in 1974.)
Flight attendants were fired for getting married. (The no-marriage rule was eliminated in the US by the 80’s.)
Birth control was only legal for married women. (That shifted in 1972.)

And don’t even think about running a marathon—your uterus might fall out!

(Women were officially allowed to run the Boston Marathon starting in 1972.)

Side note: This might be the reason you’ll likely never find me running a marathon.

I mean…what if they’re right?! 😆

Jokes aside, some of these rules weren’t absurd punchlines; they were the blueprint for how we were expected to live.

I had a religious upbringing where I wasn’t allowed to wear pants.

There were no sports for the girls—we were just there to cheer for the boys.

(This was the ’90s for me, but those rules still exist in that community today.)

As a kid, I didn’t have a say. Those weren’t preferences. They were the rules.

Of course, as an adult you can choose your faith and religious beliefs. This isn’t about that.

It’s about the expectations we absorbed before we knew we had the power to choose.

Maybe your story looks different, but maybe you’ve had moments like that—where the “right” way was handed to you, and questioning it didn’t feel like an option.

The pressure might’ve come from your boss.

Society.

Your parents.

Your spouse.

Even your own inner voice—the one that tries to keep you safe, but doesn’t always get it right.

And even now, when we do have choices…we don’t always remember to use them.

It’s easy to stay on autopilot. To follow the script.

To forget that we’re allowed to ask: Does this still fit? Do I even want this?

And if not…What would it look and feel like to choose something different?

Here’s the good news: We have more power than we think.

In what to keep.

What to question.

What to leave behind.

It’s not about getting it “right.” It’s about making sure it’s actually yours.

That’s the work: Not just listening to the loudest voice—whether it’s external pressure or your own inner critic—but reconnecting with the part of you that already knows.
The part beneath the conditioning.
The part that remembers what you want.

Not what you were told to want.

It’s about noticing the habits, expectations, and rituals you’ve inherited…and deciding what kind of life you actually want to build.

One that feels meaningful. Expansive. Not just correct.

Just because you’ve always done it that way doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it that way.

Your rituals don’t have to be inherited; they can be created. Intentional. Personal. Aligned.

The best ones are the ones you choose on purpose.

Start with one small thing.

One question.

One choice that’s truly yours.

– Nicole

P.S. If you’re realizing you’ve outgrown the old script, but aren’t sure what comes next, let’s change that.
Want to explore on your own? Next Level You is a powerful starting point.
Want clarity now? Book a Strategy Session, and let’s map your next step together.

P.P.S. And in case you’re wondering…yep, I’m fairly certain we sat on the “wrong” side at the wedding. 😩 
At least my dress understood the assignment. 💃🏻